I found this in my freezer. My roommate said he’s saving him until he needs to save the world.
FOR USE OF
ADVICE & ASSISTANCE OBTAINABLE IMMEDIATELY
HOVER TO OPEN
sorry son, it’s not MY fault you were born on opposite day.. now where are my presents
i need a cuddle buddy, must be ok with listening to my music and spending 13 hours in bed together
Things I will not judge you for:
Things I will judge you for:
•Not signalling while driving
•How you treat wait staff
•Which way you think the toilet roll goes
everyone’s having their mid-life crises at like 19
That tag wins all the awards, in the history of ever.
Every time this appears on my dash I cry inside.
I laughed way too hard at this
when a little kids telling you a story but you can’t understand them
that is not a dog that is the continent of australia
clifford went through a goth phase
CLIFFORD WENT THROUGH A GOTH PHASE
if someone ever calls you out for being ‘full of yourself’
• you have worked too hard on your self-esteem to let this asstable shit on it now
• self love is a beautiful thing friend i’m proud of you for achieving it
• literally just shove a car down their throat. take it apart. force-feed it to them until they are more full of car than you are full of yourself
Fun shark attack facts:
- In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
- For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.
- Humans are assholes.
- Sharks are not assholes.
- Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.
baby are you a time traveler because you’re such a misogynist i feel like i’m in 1932